The Opposite of Happiness is Boredom
Editor’s note: This is a guest post from Jonathan Mead of JonathanMead.com.
Boredom
In The 4-Hour Work Week, author Tim Ferriss suggests that the opposite of happiness is boredom and that what really drives our happiness is the ability to find continual excitement.
I’m in agreement with Tim; the opposite of happiness isn’t sadness, depression, anxiety, guilt or anger. These feelings aren’t desirable, but they’re also not the antithesis of happiness. Lack of fulfillment, I believe, is the opposite of happiness.
Many people have conceptually explored the path to happiness and I’m surely not the first to observe the importance of asking the right questions. Our results are generally good when we positively frame inquiries by asking questions such as "what can I do to make things better?" or "what can I do to improve this situation?" However, when we negatively frame our thoughts with questions like: "why do bad things always happen to me," or "why am I so unlucky," we only manage to reinforce our negative experiences.
Changing our Goals
Many societally conditionally goals — such as "get out of debt," "buy a new car," and "create a college fund," — can be fine and noble, but they often do not make us come alive. What would really make your day, I mean, if you could do anything? Think about that for a second.
If you dig deep within to answer this question, I bet your answer might be something a little different than the average idea of a "great day." If you really answer this question from your soul, you’ll discover aspirations that really move you. Here are a few of mine:
- Ski down a killer slope in Park City, Utah
- Take a Tantra class
- Read a great novel for the first time
- Go on a group meditation or retreat
- Play music with others, lose track of time, and get lost in sound
You see, when all our goals revolve around efficiency, money, looks, networking, etc., we lose track of why we wanted these things in the first place. Indeed, we often envision such goals because we want more time and energy to do things that truly excite us and bring deep fulfilling happiness. I challenge you to incorporate goals and aspirations that really excite and move you. Don’t get caught up in mundane, socially acceptable goals. Find out what really inspires you and make a commitment to live your life with a deeper level of satisfaction starting today.
Jonathan is the author of the blog JonathanMead.com, focused on finding Authenticity, Clarity and Balance in all aspects of our lives. His articles include 10 Way to Make Time for the Important and 7 Lessons from the World’s Greatest Minds.
[tags]4-Hour Work Week, 4HWW, continual excitement, goal setting, happiness, opposite of happiness, Tim Ferriss[/tags]
JEMi @ InMyHeels said,
Wrote on March 19, 2008 @ 8:54 pm
*smile*
Group meditation - I hadn’t even thought of that yet. I just got on the bandwagon of meditating at all!
Feeling alive due to fulfillment is addictive- at least I think so.
Thanks for this piece. For me, it works as an affirmation and that is much appreciated
sterling | bizlift said,
Wrote on March 19, 2008 @ 8:55 pm
Jonathan, I love this brief article. Life is short. Do things that make you feel alive.
Barbara Swafford said,
Wrote on March 20, 2008 @ 12:21 am
Hi Jonathan,
Years ago I heard a saying that goes something like this: “those who get bored are also boring to be around”. In a way it makes sense. If you aren’t passionate/excited about life, people aren’t going to enjoy spending time with you.
Kelly@ SHE-POWER said,
Wrote on March 20, 2008 @ 1:20 am
Jonathan
Nice article. Simple, insightful and to the point. If only more web content out there was like this.
I really love your suggestion to dig deeper than just your goals. I think we can become a little goal addicted and it’s good to stop, be still and ask yourself what really makes life worth living. Usually it’s the relationships and experiences we have, not the stuff.
:) Kelly
Jonathan Mead said,
Wrote on March 20, 2008 @ 3:41 pm
@ Sterling: Thanks for the comment, life is short. We never know when we might go, it’s better not to take it for granted.
@ Barbara: That’s a nice quote. People are naturally drawn to those that are enthusiastic and positive. If we adopt this thinking, we can learn how to attract similar friends into our own lives.
@ Kelly: Goals are great, but we shouldn’t become goal-addicted either. Many people trade their former procrastinating selfs for goal-addiction. When you’re always chasing the next goal, you miss the point. Balance is the key, as always. =)
James Schanen said,
Wrote on March 20, 2008 @ 7:01 pm
Nice blog Clay.
I think boredom (lack of fulfillment) hurts, but I also think it is the diving board to happiness and discovery. If you are bored, you should start getting really excited because you are on the verge of doing something crazy awesome.
I feel like I am something of an expert on boredom. I grew up in the country, 7 miles away from my school friends and during the summer I was often bored. To pass the time, I read a lot. Guess what? It became my best subject. I also played a little soccer in the spring and fall, so when I was bored, I’d go outside for hours and practiced juggling and ball handling alone. I got really good at it, and eventually I was able to keep that ball up bouncing on my feet, knees, and head for as long as I wanted; I became the sweeper on the team, controlling the ball more than anybody else. My wife is pregnant, and for the first time in years, I was occasionally bored because we don’t go out as much. I am in a choir, so I went downstairs and dug out some teaching material on how to sight sing. I had that book for 10 years! I went from being completely lost at rehearsal to being average in a 6 weeks. As you can tell, I am proud of these things and they all occurred because I was bored.
So, I believe boredom is like hunger. When a person is not hungry, nothing tastes good. But when you are hungry, you can smell smells that were imperceptible before. I read a scientific study about sensory deprivation where the scientists let the people sit in the dark warm room for a couple of hours and then illuminated a stock ticker. The subjects began to memorize the stock prices as though they are the most interesting news in the world.
I think the people who invented card games and chess were bored. I think Mendel, in his little convent was bored when he started breeding peas and mapping their characteristics. I think the people who developed musical theory and cultural dances were bored. I think people talk to each other because they are bored. Boredom makes you hungry to learn and do things you wouldn’t otherwise and is the main reason we need to ditch the TV.
My dad once said, ‘you’d be surprised by what you can learn by yourself. You can’t be afraid to try something.’ Wise words. I think you are a lot more likely to pick up that guitar and really experiment (not just read a bunch of chords already written down) if you are bored.
Charlie Gilkey said,
Wrote on March 23, 2008 @ 6:17 am
Great post, Jonathan. Perhaps another way to look at is not so much boredom, but a lack of creative tension that keeps you growing. We thrive when we are challenged, and many ways of being challenged reduce boredom, but some ways of being challenged require the patience and persistence that we normally experience of boredom–meaning we’ll not be high from the thrill, but we’ll be changed for the better for doing it.
Great insights here. I’m running over to your blog to check some more out.
Thanks for hosting this, Clay.
Kerouacky said,
Wrote on March 31, 2008 @ 2:42 pm
Thank you to Clay and Jonathan for this interesting article.
I really enjoy when I come across an article that promotes happiness and well-being without any strings attached (As is so often when McDonald’s tells me to be well, and I scratch my head for a second … what?)
I just wanted to provide a counterpoint to this discussion. I like that the tone of the article suggests that we look deeper than what society, or the media, tells us will make us happy. However, I am not sure if a shift away from Group A (”get out of debt … buy a car”) to Group B (”skiing … tantra, etc.”) will achieve what you seek. This appears to be a shift from one group of ‘things’ to another. To imply that this shift will affect happiness in some positive way also implies that the removal of these possibilities will contribute to unhappiness. In the end we should all follow our own paths, but the concept that happiness may be accessed by some ‘outside thing’ no longer holds water for me. I struggle daily with this - a result of my upbringing and culture - but I can no longer see any other way toward happiness other than inwards. I feel happiness, like boredom, is created by our own minds and does not exist on its own. I believe that we are able to feel happy whether we are immersed in a pop culture nightmare, or a Zen retreat among cherry blossoms. Or I could be wrong. Anyone interested in these ideas should consult the works of Thich Nhat Hanh and Lama Surya Das.
I also like that you mentioned about the questions we pose to ourselves. I went through a Tony Robbins phase (I know, I know) a few years ago, but the only really valuable thing I took from it was the decision to take the word ‘problem’ out of my vocabulary. I have replaced it with ‘challenge’ and my stress levels have gone down in ways I never imagined. Just this one question, “how am I going to overcome this challange”, has transformed my life because it implies that there is a way to best it, I just need to choose the path. One of the primary definitions of ‘problem’ is “any question or matter involving doubt, uncertainty, or difficulty”. Consider this vs. one principal definitions of ‘challenge’: something that by its nature or character serves as a call to battle, contest, special effort, etc. It’s a small difference, but the questions we ask ourselves, and the words we choose, can make a significant positive impact on our daily lives.
Sorry to be so long-winded. I’ve got the coffee in me and these fingers are on fire!
Lynn Fixter said,
Wrote on April 3, 2008 @ 11:55 am
Hi,
Interesting article, I’m definitely a goal type of person, but it seems that I always get mixed up in too many projects (and not always my own, because I love to help others with theirs) at one time and then loose focus on what’s really important.
A lot of women like me have a difficult time juggling responsibilities of work, family, staying in touch with friends and remembering what it is that really makes THEM happy. The issue of GUILT trying to stay focused on work and projects and putting family before anything else.
I don’t know many women who get bored, weighed down by commitment maybe, which can cause depression and sadness.
I recently woke up with my mind on fire and wrote this article which I have copied here, (only a small part of it) but someone might find it interesting. It might make a good book, what do you think?
THE EPITOME OF 7 DAYS IN THE LIFE OF A FEMALE ENTREPRENEUR
And how the men in our lives will benefit from knowing this!
HOW I FILL 10,080 MINUTES – EUPHORIC!!
All this happens between the hours of 6.30am – midnight, so I get to sleep for 6½ hours which = 2,730 minutes approximately 27% of my life, maybe I could do with less!
(I think I must believe in the saying “you only need sleep when you die”)
Besides feeling responsible for all of the above: (taken the above bit out as it’s lengthy)
It is expected of me to keep track of the household finances, the kids social and our social calendars, send birthday cards to all mine and his family members because I am the one that remembers!, buy great/cool birthday and Christmas gifts for everyone, file all the important papers in a place that will be found later, constantly nag the kids to tidy their rooms, constantly nag the hubby to do his honey do list, constantly remind my hubby of the business task he said he would do this week, do the books for the business, keep contact with our customers, and basically everything that no one else thinks of.
So basically nag, nag and nag some more.
My lunch during the week, unless meeting up with a friend, usually consists of an energy bar and a cup of tea (or coffee, if I’m in need of a caffeine boost.) This is normally done whilst on the phone, putting in washing, waiting in line at the post office, or even sitting on the lav!
(and just in case you don’t know what lav is – it’s the toilet seat)
What would really make my day:
Being with friends
going for a run
Eating a wonderful meal
Watching a chick flick that makes me cry
Dancing, like no one is watching
Learning a new skill
Winning the lottery, and setting up a charity
and most of all
doing all of this without the GUILT - An emotional experience that occurs when a person realizes or believes - whether justified or not - that he or she has violated a moral standard and is responsible for that violation
Trisha said,
Wrote on September 9, 2008 @ 4:02 pm
LYNN~
I am feeling the same thing! It has affected my marraige and family in a large way!
My marriage is on the brink of distinction and there is constant tension throughout the house with the children. They often wonder and of course ask what is wrong and if there is something wrong, what is going to happen?
Thank you for sharing! Knowing that there are other women out there that share the same feelings is an inspiration to make one self better!